I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize