I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
