Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
