WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
