so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
