Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
pray to the hookup gods
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
