so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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