how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
