Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need moral support for this bender
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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