He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize