I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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