I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Still dying that you shit outside
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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