Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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