Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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