He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
