He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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