Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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