WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
