I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
