Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
