did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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