Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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