im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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