Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
