Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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