So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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