this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
