some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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