i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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