I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
