Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
