Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
