Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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