she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
