there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
