Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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