just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize