i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
