I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
