do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
