No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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