Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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