It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
