After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
