Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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