She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
