Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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