Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
