Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
