Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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