I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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