loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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