my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
