I think i peed on brittanys purse
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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