I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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