Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
