I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Less talking, more tequila
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
