we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize