i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
