What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
