i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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