Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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