You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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