My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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