I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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