please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
