i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
