She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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