The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
