so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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