I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
