let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
