Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
