one might say we're banned from that church
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
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