she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
