I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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