That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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