apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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