i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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