I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
