It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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