I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
