Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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