We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
