i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
