i don't like sucking hair
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
