Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
