I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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