We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
