his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
