i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
