is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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