i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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