I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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