just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
